*please note, the final suspect of the Who Shot The Blogger storyline is not really a suspect of anything but destroying public education in Delaware, letting a lot of money go to waste at our DOE, and I’m sure other people can think of other stuff.
Before we reveal who did me in, let’s go back to the police station!
Chief: Officer, I saw the results. We have to make an arrest. You ready?
Investigating Officer: I sure am Chief. I was shocked.
Chief: He was my first pick. I’m sure governors don’t like FOIA requests.
Investigating Officer: Yeah, but here’s the thing. The blogger is still alive.
Chief: What did you say Officer Clueless?
Investigating Officer: We worked together on this. We thought it would drag you out.
Chief: Drag me out of what Officer Soon To Be A Priority Cop?
Investigating Officer: Your affiliation with these evil bastards.
Chief: What are you talking about Donut Boy?
Investigating Officer: We know. I heard you talking on the phone before Christmas, to your master.
Chief: My wife?
Investigating Officer: No, Paul Herdman.
Chief: I’ve never talked to that guy in my life.
Investigating Officer: Don’t lie to me. I wrote it all down. “I’m calling about joining your Vision Network. I think we can make some changes. When I’m reading, I can’t see Exceptional.” You do read his blog. And you joined Herdman’s Vision thing.
Chief: You have got to be the stupidest son of a bitch to ever walk this planet. I was calling the insurance company. I need glasses you moron. You cooked all this up for that?
Investigating Officer: Oh my God. I’m so embarrassed. Can you forgive me?
Chief: But where’s the blogger? I haven’t seen him, and whose body is that in the morgue?
Investigating Officer: We blocked his IP address from any computer or iPod you have, so you couldn’t see his new posts. The guy in the morgue is some homeless hunter who we found behind Target.
Chief: You are suspended thirty days without pay Officer Hope You Like Dr. Oz.
Investigating Officer: I’m so sorry about this.
Chief: Get out of here you jackass!
The officer left and the Chief picked up the phone.
Chief: It’s me. I know all about the plan. I knew from the beginning. He no longer has access to any computers. He was getting too close anyways.
Unknown Voice: And he will stop writing?
Chief: I think so. Officer Kavips has been rendered mute at this point Governor Markell.
Markell: Thank you for all your hard work Chief Publius…
After weeks of suspense, we are down to the final two suspects of who shot me on New Years Eve 2014. I know, it didn’t happen. And this is all fake, but this little social experiment sure does show where thousands of voters view education in this state.
Will the priority princess from Cali win the championship? Or will Governor “Thanks to Rodel” Markell take the prize? What is more important to voters: the one pressuring the schools with marching orders, or the one who initiated the plan in the first place? The winner (if you want to call it that) will be announced on Monday!
We are down to the final four! On one side is two ladies from the Delaware DOE: Penny Schwinn and Alison May. I have to honestly say I didn’t think May would make it this far. I predicted the other round before I even started this: Governor Jack Markell vs. Mark Murphy. Who will make it to the end? You decide! This will run for two days, and then the grand whodunnit will determine who ended me! As usual, this is completely fiction and is for amusement purposes only and none of the “suspects” involved have been accused of a violent crime.
We are down to the last eight suspects out of the original 32. Eliminated in the last round was Family Foundations “On Leave” Head of School Sean Moore, “Resigned” Academy of Dover Head of School Noel Rodriguez, Delaware DOE/Ex Charter School Office Executive Director John Carwell, Kilroy’s Commenter and Charter School loving Publius, DE State Board of Education President “I’m on the board of a company the DOE pays for services” Dr. Teri Quinn Gray, Ex Providence Creek & Campus Community Head of School & current President of Delaware Charter Schools Network Chuck Taylor, “Segregation is just a myth” Delaware Charter Schools Network Director Kendall Massett, and finally, Kilroy’s commenter Greg the Crab Bucket guy.
The final four polls have some very interesting battles. A deputy secretary vs. the public informations officer. The final anonymous Kilroy’s blog commenter vs. the Priority Schools Diva. The “Rigor” Skipper Governor vs. the “non-profit” director. The bewildering and unpopular Gilligan wannabe Secretary of Education vs. the guy who plots and plans how to make public school districts ineffective. I am very interested to see who makes it to the final four. The polls will run for three days.
*as always with this farce of an unreal situation, none of the suspects are actually violent people. This is pure satire on my part, and I didn’t really get shot and killed or I wouldn’t be typing this. I love all these people, like I love gum on my shoe. They are a part of the landscape for education in Delaware. That reminds me, I need to do some weeding….
We are down to the Sweet 16! Many hard-core eliminations in Round 1. Here are those who have been cleared as suspects: Danielle Blount, Audrey Erschen, Senator Gregory Lavelle, Dale Brown, Pete Kramer, Brian Touchette, lastDEconservative, Arne Duncan, Pat Heffernan, Donna Johnson, Janet Miller, Vincent Winterling, Ryan Fennerty, Mary-Ann Mieczkowski, and Matthew Albright.
Now we go down to the next round, which will only run for 3 days!
*as always with this farce of an unreal situation, none of the suspects are actually violent people. This is pure satire on my part, and I didn’t really get shot and killed or I wouldn’t be typing this. I love all these people, like I love gum on my shoe. They are a part of the landscape for education in Delaware. That reminds me, I need to do some weeding….
Okay readers! You have to figure out who shot me tonight! Like March Madness, there’s a bracket. I’m keeping these polls up for a week, and then we are down to the Sweet 16.
*editors note: This is fan fiction, and is in no way meant to depict any of the “suspects” as dangerous violent criminals that go lurking around WaWa on New Years Eve looking to plug a blogger. If any of these people have that in their past I have no knowledge whatsoever of that and I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW! When I tell people about my blog, the one consistent thing I hear is “You’re gonna get shot!” So I thought I would make a joke of that.
The FOIA Divas: Alison May for the DOE and Danielle Blount for the Governor’s office. Both have reason to hate me for all the damn FOIA requests I gave them!
The Charter Head of Schools. From Providence Creek Academy, we have Audrey Erschen. When that charter had some major security issues going on in October, I wrote A LOT about it. From Family Foundations Academy, we have Sean Moore, the p-card fanatic!
The Senator vs. The Deputy Secretary. Senator Greg Lavelle flip-flopped on his Smarter Balanced Assessment vote which helped the bill to pass after it failed the first time. Blowman is the Deputy Secretary of Education. Also runs the Charter School Accountability Committee, which I wrote MANY articles about this year.
The Proficiency Gainer vs. the ex charter school leader. Noel Rodriguez ran the Academy of Dover but he “resigned”. Nobody officially knows why, but I’m sure he and Sean Moore would get along really well! Dale Brown is the principal of Booker T Washington. I’m sure he didn’t like it when I pointed out all the flaws in how they “narrowed the gap” with their test scores!
The Charter Cheerleader vs. The House Rep Candidate. Pencadermom is a Kilroy’s denizen who loves her some charter schools! Went head to toe with me many times over there! Pete Kramer ran for the 29th District House Rep against Trey Paradee. I publicly endorsed Paradee and said why.
The Ex Charter School Office Leader. *This poll has been closed and John Carwell advances to the next round!
*for reasons I won’t reveal, but I am very impressed right now!
The Smarter Balanced God vs. The Priority Cali Girl. Brian Touchette is the director of assessments at the DOE. I’ve written many articles about all the problems with this horrible test. Penny Schwinn is the California Charter transplant who runs the priority schools takeover for the six schools in Wilmington.
The Kilroy’s Delaware Pains In The Ass! Publius is the guy/girl everyone loves to hate over on Kilroys. Another charter guy/girl who grates on everybody’s last nerve. lastDEconservative just jumps in and insults as many people as he can and tends to side with Publius, Pencadermom and anyone who disagrees with the majority.
The US Education Guy vs. The Delaware Dictator. Arne Duncan is the US Secretary of Education, and he loves Common Core, high-stakes testing, and screwing over public education. Governor Jack Markell is the same, but he can be very duplicitous in his methods and bullys school districts.
The Delaware State Board of Education Members. Pat Heffernan likes to talk…a lot…at state board of education meetings. Some of the stuff that comes out is just bizarre, and he tends to tick off a lot of people. Dr. Teri Quinn Gray is the president of the state board and she has helped guide Delaware education into the greedy hands of the corporate education reformers.
The Rodel Master vs. The Executive Director. Paul Herdman is the puppet master behind all the corporate education reform in Delaware. Refused my invitation to meet me at all the priority schools and Gateway. Donna Johnson is executive director of the state board of education and she has had to deal with my public comments at different meetings she has been at.
The Ex x2 Head of School vs. The Behavior Coach. Chuck Taylor ran Providence Creek Academy and “resigned”. Served as temp Head of School at Campus Community and “resigned”. Is a “consultant” at PCA and President of Del. Charter Schools Network governing board. Janet Miller was the behavior coach at Campus Community for a year. Both had actions which directly resulted in my story called “A Father’s Cry For His Son” over on Kilroy’s Delaware.
The Charter Lobbyist vs. The DAP Guy. Kendall Massett hates me. I wrote articles about her since I started this blog last June. I can’t think of one thing I like about that organization. Vincent Winterling runs DAP in Delaware. I wrote a few articles about the Interagency Collaborative Team that tends to send many special needs kids to residential treatment centers out of state including run he used to run.
The Secretary vs. The Former Assistant. Delaware Secretary of Education Mark Murphy is the Gilligan to Markell’s Skipper. Seems to have a problem with social communication and pisses a lot of people off. Ryan Fennerty is the latest golden boy I’ve written about. Seems to be involved a lot with the priority schools, teacher compensation and whatever Markell wants him to do.
The Teacher Effectiveness Lord vs. The Special Education Lady. Chris Ruszkowski runs the teacher effectiveness group at the DOE. Public school district teachers loathe this guy for all his manipulations in screwing them over. Mary Ann Mieczkowski is a sweetheart, but is very stubborn about changing things at the Exceptional Children Resources Group at the DOE. I’ve called her out many times over the DOE failing to audit IEP denials.
The Newark Charter School commenter vs. The News Journal Jimmy Olsen. Kilroy’s commenter Greg and I have battled over on Kilroy’s over the whole ACLU thing quite a few times. I don’t like him and he doesn’t like me. Matthew Albright is a really nice guy, but he writes whatever pleases Governor Markell with education. I’ve called him out on this a few times.
*editors note: This is fan fiction, and is in no way meant to depict any of the “suspects” as dangerous violent criminals that go lurking around WaWa on New Years Eve looking to plug a blogger. If any of these people have that in their past I have no knowledge whatsoever of that and I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW! When I tell people about my blog, the one consistent thing I hear is “You’re gonna get shot!” So I thought I would make a joke of that.
The reporter went back to the police station a few days later and he overheard the Investigating Officer talking to the Chief about the murder of the blogger at a WaWa in Dover on December 31st, 2014.
Chief: So what did you find out? Do we have suspects?
Investigating Officer: Oh boy do we! At first I had over 50 suspects, but I was able to narrow it down to 32. These people were all in Dover that night. Even the anonymous commenters from Kilroy’s Delaware. I also found something very interesting from the deceased himself.
Chief: What the hell are you talking about Officer Scooby?
Investigating Officer: The blogger knew this was going to happen cause he was receiving death threats. He was the one who provided the list of 32. These are all people who had motive and a desire to see the deceased not writing anymore. I was able to get into his blog when I looked at his last will and testament. He gave the password to someone who was instructed to give it to the police in the event of his murder. As well, he gave another person the identities of the anonymous.
Chief: This is getting more bizarre than that IDEA Awards show the Delaware Charter Schools Network puts on every year. Which, by the way, is an insult to the actual IDEA law cause of the whole charter school enrollment preference thing.
Investigating Officer: Tell me about it! Anyways, Ohlandt knew it would be one of the thirty-two, but he didn’t know which one. He made a bracket, like the kind we have in that March Madness pool we have every year.
Chief: Don’t talk about that Officer Big Mouth. That’s supposed to be a closely guarded secret, kind of like the methodology the DOE used for determining the priority schools up in Wilmington. Do you have this bracket?
Investigating Officer: Yeah, and this is the weirdest part. Ohlandt said his readers would be able to figure out the murder. He gave brief descriptions of the suspects. The readers would need to vote in rounds to figure it out. Starting off with 16 rounds, then 8, then 4, and then the final 2. After that, we have our guy or woman. Ohlandt doesn’t want the person getting the death penalty. He wants life in prison with no chance of parole. Also, the murderer will have to take the Smarter Balanced Assessment AND that PARCC test every day until they get a perfect score.
Chief: Is there such thing as a perfect score on those tests? The last I heard the idiots who made them don’t even know how to score the damn things. But hey, if this guy could piss off all those people, he must have been doing something right. We owe it to him to play this out his way. Let’s do it!
The Season Of Myths 