*editors note: This is fan fiction, and is in no way meant to depict any of the “suspects” as dangerous violent criminals that go lurking around WaWa on New Years Eve looking to plug a blogger. If any of these people have that in their past I have no knowledge whatsoever of that and I DON’T EVEN WANT TO KNOW! When I tell people about my blog, the one consistent thing I hear is “You’re gonna get shot!” So I thought I would make a joke of that.
To read the first part about the murder of Jon’s Loving Father/Kevin Ohlandt/The Exceptional Delaware Blogger go here: https://exceptionaldelaware.wordpress.com/2014/12/29/who-shot-jons-loving-father-a-2014-year-in-review/
The reporter went back to the police station a few days later and he overheard the Investigating Officer talking to the Chief about the murder of the blogger at a WaWa in Dover on December 31st, 2014.
Chief: So what did you find out? Do we have suspects?
Investigating Officer: Oh boy do we! At first I had over 50 suspects, but I was able to narrow it down to 32. These people were all in Dover that night. Even the anonymous commenters from Kilroy’s Delaware. I also found something very interesting from the deceased himself.
Chief: What the hell are you talking about Officer Scooby?
Investigating Officer: The blogger knew this was going to happen cause he was receiving death threats. He was the one who provided the list of 32. These are all people who had motive and a desire to see the deceased not writing anymore. I was able to get into his blog when I looked at his last will and testament. He gave the password to someone who was instructed to give it to the police in the event of his murder. As well, he gave another person the identities of the anonymous.
Chief: This is getting more bizarre than that IDEA Awards show the Delaware Charter Schools Network puts on every year. Which, by the way, is an insult to the actual IDEA law cause of the whole charter school enrollment preference thing.
Investigating Officer: Tell me about it! Anyways, Ohlandt knew it would be one of the thirty-two, but he didn’t know which one. He made a bracket, like the kind we have in that March Madness pool we have every year.
Chief: Don’t talk about that Officer Big Mouth. That’s supposed to be a closely guarded secret, kind of like the methodology the DOE used for determining the priority schools up in Wilmington. Do you have this bracket?
Investigating Officer: Yeah, and this is the weirdest part. Ohlandt said his readers would be able to figure out the murder. He gave brief descriptions of the suspects. The readers would need to vote in rounds to figure it out. Starting off with 16 rounds, then 8, then 4, and then the final 2. After that, we have our guy or woman. Ohlandt doesn’t want the person getting the death penalty. He wants life in prison with no chance of parole. Also, the murderer will have to take the Smarter Balanced Assessment AND that PARCC test every day until they get a perfect score.
Chief: Is there such thing as a perfect score on those tests? The last I heard the idiots who made them don’t even know how to score the damn things. But hey, if this guy could piss off all those people, he must have been doing something right. We owe it to him to play this out his way. Let’s do it!
The Season Of Myths 