What is the most horrifying thing you have every seen? What is the one thing that makes your hair stand and brings tears to your eyes when you picture it every day since? For me that was hearing a child scream in horror while two adults sat there and did nothing.
One year ago today, I saw my son in the worst emotional state I have ever seen him in. I should let go of it, and forget. But I can’t. That one moment has defined me and shaped me into the person I am today. I don’t know which was worse, seeing my son like that, or watching one of the adults casually sit there eating a sandwich and doing nothing.
It was at my son’s old school. Not the public system he is in now. The other one. When he got in trouble for dropping a fucking cookie in the cafeteria, and adults made him out to be Hitler reincarnated. Which culminated in him running to the end of a hall and hiding between a very narrow space between a locker and the wall. When the two adults found him, he began to scream he began to scream that he wanted to get out. This screaming went on for half an hour while they sat there…doing nothing. For me, the screaming has gone on for a year.
It wasn’t until I found him that he came out. And the two adults, just sitting there, as if they didn’t have a care in the world. What makes two people be so cold and indifferent? What makes them think a child’s immediate needs aren’t important? How can you be so emotionally unattached to pain and suffering? In my opinion, this is the worst form of child abuse ever.
That is why I’m here, because my son’s screaming continues. That’s why when people tell me the DOE really does care, that they have our children’s best interests at heart, I don’t buy it for one second. They have fostered the environment that allows this to happen. The more I dig, the more I find. So many of them are just as bad as those two adults a year ago today. They sit there, and quantify and analyze, while children across the state are suffering, because they care more about a jacked-up curriculum and a test that won’t even be out for another seven months.
I see the adults that do care. They are real, and they want change as well. But those in power won’t listen. I’ve often wondered what part of your soul you have to sell to become like that. Why is the game more important than the reality? Is it about money? Power? Standing?
To this day, I can’t understand it. I guess I just wasn’t raised to become an adult that doesn’t care. If I see something wrong, I will do whatever I can to weed it out and expose it. And guess what, I may be very focused on this goal. But I still have my soul and I’m not ashamed.