Next up in the Candidate Message series is Seymour F. Ungus from the 42nd State Rep District. He is running on the Delaware NOW ticket.
Good evening Delaware. I AM Seymour F. Ungus. I have lived in Delaware for two years. Before that, I lived in a fishing village in New Mexico. I believe we can make the Delaware NOW party a real thing. I want what we all want: good schools, more fishing villages in Delaware, and to get the poultry smell OUT of Slower Lower!
I think I have a good shot at winning this. From there, I plan to spread the Delaware NOW love. Just wait! It will be marvelous! I can picture both Republicans and Democrats leaving their own caucus and joining mine! I predict that by 2020 the Delaware NOW party will blast from 1 person to at least 24. That is when we take over the House and begin to infect the Senate. By 2024, the Delaware NOW party will take over the entire First State.
Even though, technically, there is no 42nd State Rep District, no one is going to notice this small anomaly. This is Delaware after all. My campaign manager is the one and only Patrick Miller! He is a wunderkind of knowledge! His time in the Brandywine School District, the Indian River School District, and the Indian River Volunteer Fire Company shows this guy knows how to spin shit into gold!
I’ve already received many endorsements. The New Mexico Fishing Village Aquatic Association has been a godsend. I’m pretty sure I got a firm lock for an endorsement from the Patrick Miller Education & Firefighter Cha-Ching, LLC. I did apply for an endorsement from the Delaware Department of Education. I would have gone there in person but since I don’t have a recognizable face I’m terrified of what would happen to me.
I’m the candidate who believes in just speaking the truth. I love the Delaware Way! Back-door meetings, shady deals, fraud, and corruption are how state government actually runs! Anyone who tells you differently is a flat-out liar! It is my hope I can get on every single committee in the General Assembly. I want to work with people like Pete Schwartzkopf and Val Longhurst so I can get into the REAL meetings. Not the ones the public sees, but meetings that take place behind closed doors. I can’t wait to meet Paul Herdman and Gary Stockbridge!
Don’t let anyone tell you differently. I am all about me. I could give two craps what my constituents think because I don’t have any. And I want it that way. I fully intend to pocket any secrets I find out about. You know how State Reps get funding to help constituents with paving projects and sidewalks and all that jazz? My guy Miller is going to help me start a charter school with that money. I plan on making it a very concentrated niche with a fishing village theme. There’s a Pathway for Delaware!
Please vote for Seymour F. Ungus on September 6th! If I don’t show up on the ballot, just write it in!
Editor’s note: While this candidate does not show up on the state election website, Google, or pretty much any person search directory in Delaware, I do believe in giving all candidates a voice, even if they are not real!