The symptoms are not visible to the human eye unless you are in the right place at the right time. It is an illness afflicting many in Delaware. At last, the CDC has found the cause. It didn’t have a scientific name until now. I was given the exclusive on this mysterious sickness that threatens The First State. Now is the time to let it be known to the entire state.
Bos taurus faeces is the official name now given to what some have referred to as Christina Derangement Syndrome. It is also the cause of the ailment afflicting the sufferers of this illness. The symptoms are wide and varied. The victims are those who have been around a lot of Bos taurus faeces. It is contagious. And there are different strains.
The most widely known strain is that of Markellius prioritorius Bos taurus faeces. This is the version that caused Dr. Teri Quinn Gray, the former State Board of Education President, to become unhinged at one of their board meetings two years ago. The onset was so fast and so severe she had to physically step away from the meeting. “So this is a five-year plan, until 2019. Am I the only one hyperventilating here? I have to step out”. And she did, in the middle of a board meeting she was supposed to run. Christina Derangement Syndrome took off within minutes as the catch-phrase for this mysterious illness.
A more recent strain called Carneyesius societate Bos taurus faeces recently surfaced in the past few months. This strain of the disease occurs when the top elected official in the state calls for a “partnership” with a school district and promises all these things but then says he doesn’t know if the funding will happen. To qualify for this version, you MUST have back-door meetings prior to announcing your intentions and then change your mind on things and act like a nice tough guy when the school board balks at your suggestions.
Overall symptoms include a firm belief that the Christina School District is a horrible, no good place. The most common measurement to support this belief is that of a standardized test. The overall disease has been present for decades but it wasn’t until Jack Markell became Governor of Delaware that it really began affecting people, usually elected officials. The most prevalent of disease bearers are Markell, State Senator David Sokola, State Representative Earl Jaques, and most recently, State Representative Paul Baumbach.
It makes the victim say and do things that make absolutely no sense. The most famous of these occurred on October 9th, 2014 at a Wilmington City Council meeting. Former Delaware Secretary of Education Mark Murphy worked up a flyer for his priority schools initiative and actually had the words “you can’t make chicken salad from chicken shit” as part of the flyer. This caused a considerable amount of flack for Murphy in the days after.
This malady affects elected officials of another sort as well. At a recent Christina Board meeting, member Fred Polaski, in a discussion about teachers, actually said “we know they are just in it for the money”.
A State Senator, who is not Sokola and I will not name due to the nature of how I heard it, once said they hoped Christina would be “razed to the ground”.
The malady is so severe it actually gets in the way of the school district being able to do their own thing for the students of the district. Since so many of the suffers of Bos taurus faeces have high positions in state politics, it casts a long shadow over the district. One of the key components of Bos taurus faeces is a control-freak type aspect where things like “MOU” and “partnership” become code words for “take over”.
Sokola and Jaques have been beating Christina up with a hammer for years. Sokola, who would chew glass for Newark Charter School, frequently introduces or champions legislation that would take even the smallest chink out of Christina’s armor. Last week, Baumbach introduced legislation which would give the State Board of Education the authority to remove school board members with a 60% vote, causing even his most ardent supporters to question what in tarnation he was thinking. Except for one. That supporter would defend Baumbach no matter what as he proudly announced on Facebook. We aren’t sure if that supporter also suffers from Bos taurus faeces or just really likes the guy. But I better get off my horse on that one!
Researchers at the CDC are hoping to find a cure now that they know the cause. They have been looking at people who haven’t been contaminated such as Christina board members John Young and Elizabeth Paige, State Rep. John Kowalko, and bloggers Kilroy’s Delaware and myself. All of us seem to be immune to Bos taurus faeces, even if we stepped in it. Scientists are hoping to replicate that immunity but have found that once one is immersed in so much Bos taurus faeces it is difficult for them to ever recover.
They noticed that when one is at their peak with Bos taurus faeces, they seem to exhibit a sense of power which is a false grandiosity. Markell, in the months before his priority schools initiative, shaved his head to show a more commanding presence during his big announcement at Warner Elementary School in Wilmington. As Sokola and Markell continued their Bos taurus faeces, they could be found biking together all over the state. Last summer, the Bos taurus faeces duo were seen biking across America!
Jaques, in a tirade against parents who opt their children out of state testing, referred to that action as a “cop-out” and insinuated those parents were weak. The CDC was unable to determine if that was an overall symptom of Bos taurus faeces. They believed it belong to the same class but also felt it was also a symptom of stupidius legislatorius.
The State Board of Education frequently suffers from Bos taurus faeces. Board member Patrick Heffernan and Executive Director Donna Johnson have both shown symptoms at meetings, along with their former President, Quinn-Gray.
In a recent conversation I had with the current Delaware Secretary of Education, Dr. Susan Bunting, she explained to me that Christina’s test scores are horrible. When I replied that perhaps it isn’t the students but the test, she informed me the buildings are in horrible shape and teachers look the other way with discipline. It wasn’t the words she said but the amount of anger behind them that scared this blogger.
Bos taurus faeces affected a whole group of people on the Wilmington Education Improvement Commission when they voted to have the Wilmington portion of Christina sent to another district, Red Clay Consolidated. Everyone in the state thought the General Assembly would approve it when it came out but legislators were unable to flip the bill for the move.
Other common symptoms of the disease include an overwhelming ignorance of the reality surrounding many of the Christina Wilmington students. Those afflicted believe that if the schools were better it would erase the insane amount of violence around these kids. A magic wand of state interference will bring parents back together and crime will disappear. It is almost like it is a delusional distraction for elected officials and leaders in the Delaware Department of Education. By focusing on those schools, they never have to truly address the problems facing Wilmington.
The reason I have the exclusivity for this article is due to a fear by the CDC that symptoms exist in The News Journal, the biggest newspaper in the state. Those at the highest infection rate tend to use their influence to sway others into believing their delusional words.
The Christina Bos taurus faeces being thrown out to Delawareans is just that. A sickness, infecting the mind and words of those who have the power to do something different and meaningful. But they fall into the same Bos taurus faeces they always do. And the broken record plays again and again. The truly sad part is those who suffer from Bos taurus faeces could do amazing things. But they let the Bos taurus faeces turn them into something else. It is an obsession that takes hold and doesn’t let go.
Please pray for a cure of this illness. It is rampant in Delaware these days and it takes away from other things the sufferers could be doing.