Who Shot The Blogger? The Uhm, Winner Revealed! And the Shocking Twist!

*please note, the final suspect of the Who Shot The Blogger storyline is not really a suspect of anything but destroying public education in Delaware, letting a lot of money go to waste at our DOE, and I’m sure other people can think of other stuff.

Before we reveal who did me in, let’s go back to the police station!

Chief: Officer, I saw the results.  We have to make an arrest.  You ready?

Investigating Officer: I sure am Chief.  I was shocked.

Chief: He was my first pick.  I’m sure governors don’t like FOIA requests.

Investigating Officer: Yeah, but here’s the thing.  The blogger is still alive.

Chief: What did you say Officer Clueless?

Investigating Officer: We worked together on this.  We thought it would drag you out.

Chief: Drag me out of what Officer Soon To Be A Priority Cop?

Investigating Officer: Your affiliation with these evil bastards.

Chief: What are you talking about Donut Boy?

Investigating Officer: We know. I heard you talking on the phone before Christmas, to your master.

Chief: My wife?

Investigating Officer: No, Paul Herdman.

Chief: I’ve never talked to that guy in my life.

Investigating Officer: Don’t lie to me.  I wrote it all down. “I’m calling about joining your Vision Network.  I think we can make some changes.  When I’m reading, I can’t see Exceptional.” You do read his blog.  And you joined Herdman’s Vision thing.

Chief: You have got to be the stupidest son of a bitch to ever walk this planet.  I was calling the insurance company.  I need glasses you moron. You cooked all this up for that?

Investigating Officer: Oh my God.  I’m so embarrassed.  Can you forgive me?

Chief: But where’s the blogger?  I haven’t seen him, and whose body is that in the morgue?

Investigating Officer: We blocked his IP address from any computer or iPod you have, so you couldn’t see his new posts.  The guy in the morgue is some homeless hunter who we found behind Target.

Chief: You are suspended thirty days without pay Officer Hope You Like Dr. Oz.

Investigating Officer: I’m so sorry about this.

Chief: Get out of here you jackass!

The officer left and the Chief picked up the phone.

Chief: It’s me.  I know all about the plan.  I knew from the beginning.  He no longer has access to any computers.  He was getting too close anyways.

Unknown Voice: And he will stop writing? 

Chief: I think so.  Officer Kavips has been rendered mute at this point Governor Markell.

Markell: Thank you for all your hard work Chief Publius…

 

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